Angel's Hell
by Bayou Bebe
Summary: Harry has many issues including his obsession with his parents' murderer. After a gruesome mistake in his sixth year he begins to take his grief and rage out on the one person he hates and relates to the most. Torture, OOC HP/TR, Char Death more inside.
1. Always wondered what this'd be like

Hello everyone! I am so excited to present the first part in my answer to the 30 prompt Un_Love_You challenge from Live-journal. I am posting it there but will also be posting it here because I want to share it with the readers that have stuck by me in my many merry ramblings. This is a very Dark and OOC story featuring Harry and Voldemort. It turns the tables on the usual plotlines because it will be the Dark Lord who is captured and tortured by Harry and it deals with both of their emotional and mental traumas from their lives. This will be M rated and will traipse happily in X rated on several occasions, there will be warnings posted for the more grisly chapters and all unrated versions will be available on Live-journal. The chapters will be mostly short snapshot like interconnected stories spanning the seven years of the books.

Thanks and Enjoy!

Chapter One (Prompt 9)

I always wondered what this'd be like. Having the family you falsely promised me.

I had always dreamed of situations like this you taunted me with. I knew I was different than other children when my cousin Dudley was addressed by his name or one of Aunt Petunia's stomach-curdling nicknames and I was fully adamant that my name was Boy. My teacher sat there for ten minutes calling the name Harry Potter in primary school and I was sent to the headmaster's office on the first day for "willfully ignoring my teacher".

I was the trouble making brat when I argued that this Harry Potter couldn't possibly be me, my name was Boy. From that day on I was targeted by Headmaster Knowles as a troublesome deviant. The teachers had never asked questions, never wondered why I was so skinny in tattered clothing and obviously underfed. No one questioned why my cousin wore name brand clothing and my glasses were kept together by dirty tape. No one wondered why I avoided looking in people's eyes, couldn't read and stuttered, no one ever questioned the cuts and bruises that occasionally peaked out of my oversized clothing.

No one ever cared, not until I was eleven.

All of a sudden everything I knew was a lie, not that it was particularly disheartening. I mean who would ever be sad that a lifetime of lies about your drunk, deadbeat parents were wrong? Who wouldn't be enthralled by the knowledge that your parents were martyred heroes that you were looked upon like a god? That you had money to take care of yourself?

Not that it mattered. Because all those people who loved me really only loved this great legend that they spoke of with reverence, they loved the chubby toddler who was adored by his parents, they didn't love the scrawny abused pre-pubescent man-child who was a pathetically weak stuttering mess. I was worse the Neville for all of my insecurities; I just had a better mask.

And then I was given the worst news. I wasn't important enough to anyone to rescue me from the hell that awaited me every summer. No one really cared for me enough to put any effort. No one offered me a family… except for you.

As sick as this sounds, you offered to bring my parents back to me. You were lying of course, you couldn't really do it and you wouldn't if you could but you **offered.** When no one else would even consider, you offered the one thing I've always wanted to me. You gave me hope, you bastard.

And now I'm on the train home, I'm pretending, always pretending to love these children sitting across from me, ignoring their covert glances at my scar, at my face. Watching bemused as they sit there, trying to figure out what makes me so different from them. Why I'm not wearing my new clothes that Mrs. Weasley made for me, why I'm sitting here in tears and writing in the back of my potions journal. They'd never understand the reasoning behind using books to hide precious things from my family.

They'll never understand me like you do. I can't wait to meet you again, I want to see you, I need you. I hate you.


	2. I want to need you

Thank you all so much for your touching and encouraging reviews you guys really inspired me to barrel through this chapter. I'm sorry it took me so long to get it done but unfortunately my cat was hit by a car and I was in a bit of a funk for a while. Then we had the opportunity to get a new baby from the shelter so our surviving cat would have company and that has been all kinds of fun as they adjust to each other.

Anyways thanks again so much for the encouragement and please don't forget to review and tell me what you think!

Chapter Two: I want to need you.

I sit miserably in my bed as the sun rises in the horizon sending a deceptively cheerful glow around my new room. I stared dejectedly out of the lit up glass and ignore the saline tracks which tighten the skin of my face uncomfortably. I couldn't sleep again, and it's all your fault!

I hate how you plague my thoughts day and night, never relenting as your ugly half form leeches out of the back of your flunky's head, how you glare at me, your tongue offering sickly sweet lies like honey to my ears.

My Aunt and Uncle have been even angrier at my existence in their lives ever since I returned home for the summer. It isn't yet six in the morning and I am patiently waiting for my Aunt to unlock the door and order me downstairs to cook for them. Her light footsteps echo closer as I stand and wait by the door in the hopes I won't be smacked across the face again as I was yesterday for taking too long to respond to her.

I hate the bitch, hate how she looks, how she talks, her demeanor, her insults and veiled looks of unadulterated hatred. I hate her paranoia and the way she coddles that obese whale she calls a son. I hate that I still want her approval despite the years of her distain.

Suddenly I jump as her bony fist pounds against the door despite her fumbling with the locks. "Get up you lazy freak, Vernon and Duddy want their breakfasts, get up!" she barks out at me as she throws the door open and smacks me across the face, "Well? What are you still doing standing around! Go you lazy swine!" she screams as she takes a switch from her apron pocket and begins to strike me across the arms and shoulders as I race past her and down the stairs.

I rush into the kitchen and hurriedly begin portioning out the tea, getting the eggs and meats prepared and getting the ingredients out for the scones. I cut up the fresh fruit while making a casserole rushing as fast as I can to get their food done before they get downstairs. Glancing at the clock, I groan and cover the fruit salad before rushing to set the table as I hear the heavy footsteps shuffling above my head and an ominous creek as my cousin wakes.

Rushing back to the oven to exchange the casserole for the scones, I wince at the heat emanating from the pan and quickly placed the piping hot food on the table. I curse under my breath suddenly for forgetting my Aunt's tea and start the kettle, praying it will steep strongly enough before she comes downstairs. Setting the coffee to percolate while I start on the fresh orange juice I beg silently that I can get everything done as I leap to the table with the pitcher of juice and the tea pot before getting the cream, lemons and sugar together.

Dashing to the icebox and grabbing the ingredients to whip together a proper blood pudding, mushrooms and kippers, I gag as my hands mix up the disgusting concoction and start frying them in separate pans simultaneously while whimpering to myself on hearing Aunt greet Dudley at the top of the stairs. Cutting up a few tomatoes and grabbing the bread I toast them quickly before rushing it all to the table right as Aunt Petunia steps inside. "You best be done with that boy or there will be hell to pay for you," she barks at me before cooing as Dudley lumbers in and sits on the groaning chair at the table.

Finishing up the tea I place it in front of her and begin preparing a cup of coffee having just enough time to put it on a saucer before Uncle Vernon comes in and twitches his mustache angrily at me when he realizes he doesn't yet have a reason to strike me. 'Hah! Take that you disgusting cow' I think proudly to myself as I begin to efficiently serve them breakfast and ignore my own grumbling stomach.

I quickly grab a piece of dry toast and a glass of water from the tap, hoping to escape the house before my Uncle decides to give me something else to do for them before eight but shriek as my Uncle grabs my hair and yanks me back into the kitchen, "BOY! Where do you think you are going you disgusting stupid freak!" he shouts before slugging me across the cheek.

I stare at him in shock as his face turns purple with rage and I quickly race over myself to try and remember what I forgot. I should have known that was a mistake. Before I could duck I was hit again and shoved towards the stove. Yelping as I lost my balance I held my hands out to brace myself and suddenly a loud keening noise erupted in the room as my mind swam with sudden dizziness. It took another solid blow to my head before I realized the noise was coming from me.

My mind swam with the pain but at the same time I suddenly felt freer for it, I felt light without much care even as my Uncle drew his belt and began lashing me with it. I was chased into the cupboard under the stairs and as I lay, my chest heaving and eyes wide in shock I suddenly managed to process Vernon's ravings on how I forgot to put the morning paper by his plate.

I feel a flash of rage at myself causing literal sparks to fly from my fingers and I have to quickly pat my leg to kill the flame that quickly erupted from my little tantrum. I bite my lip as each pat is like a spike of molten metal against my skin. I stare transfixed at the burns and welts traveling my arms and gingerly pull the shirt from my body to examine the damage to my chest. There were patches where the skin was literally slit open from his belt, other patches where my skin was red, blistered and even melted entirely away.

My eyes flash red in fury as I realize I've been marked once more by that ugly stupid brute. I want to scream and kill them all but I know that I can't if I ever want to get away from this situation. I hate them but at least I know how they operate, better the known evil then an unknown possibly worse situation.

Wincing and biting my lip hard to keep from screaming I watch as clear fluid seeps from my arms and I decide to pass the time by picking at the blisters and sighing in relief at the flashes of pain. My eyes flash red again and I smile up at the spider web infested ceiling.

Just two more weeks and maybe you can give me a little more fun, Love.


	3. I want you to hurt me

Thank you all so much for the reviews and ratings! I'm so glad to see that people are enjoying the story so much. I want to dedicate this chapter to Nombre-De-Pluma whose reviews always make me smile!

Chapter Three

I practically ran from my Uncle's car as we finally reached King's cross train station. Just the thought of getting back to Hogwarts where I might be able to meet you again thrills me to the deepest recesses of my body and causes an uncharacteristic smile to bloom across my face. I drag my trunk through the station and ignore the covert looks from the wizards and witches around me while herding their children towards the hallowed and rather drafty halls of education.

They all strike me as pathetic little bugs scurrying around ducking their heads, acting suspicious while trying desperately to leach off of someone stronger to ensure their survival. They aren't really worth anything and certainly haven't endured themselves to me enough to risk my neck for their survival. Oh I know it's a shock isn't it? The golden boy of Hogwarts wants nothing to do with the world of magic except when it comes to his worst enemy. Oh the scandal of it all is just simply delicious isn't it?

I'd never admit it aloud of course, I'll be forever hiding behind this mask of mine as I stroll besides Weasley and listen with barely any attention to his prattle. I catch sight of his ickle little sister, Ginny and my eyes flash with emotion for a split second before I am able to contain it. I saw Malfoy's father put a black book in her cauldron during the altercation with Arthur in the bookstore.

I can't help but wonder if he was doing it on your behalf. I don't in any way suspect him of being a closet altruist so I don't think he gave her a journal out of the goodness of his shriveled little heart. I had managed to look at it one night when everyone was asleep and upon discovering the empty state of its pages was tempted to exchange it for a duplicate and unlock the mysteries myself. Fortunately for me, I'm smarter than that and will happily leave the task to Ginny, after all why risk my neck for the research when I can just stick around and wait for the end results.

I get to the barrier and am locked out with Weasley, dammit; it must be that ridiculous house elf! I want so badly to do the logical thing and wait for the eldest Weasleys to leave the magical platform and get us to Hogwarts sanely with notice to the teachers but I know that it is expected of me to be foolish and idiotic so I happily lead Ron along and let him jump to the conclusion that we should use his father's car to fly to Hogwarts. Of course this means we are threatened by Snape, who **must **be one of yours and are saved by McGonagall.

I sigh happily as I sink down into my bed, for the first time my chest and arm don't hurt as badly though my skin has yet to heal properly from the burns and cuts. I know I will be scarred again and I close my eyes and briefly imagine someone running their lips down my arm. I know it is you I am imagining; maybe someday I can really have you kiss me like I want.

The thought catches me like a punch to the gut and suddenly I cannot breathe. My eyes widen and I stare up at my canopy in shock as I consider what my subconscious always recognized.

I want you.

I bite my lip to stop the moan from escaping as warmth floods my body at the mere thought of having you with me right now. I run my injured arm down my body and slowly rub myself with my hand, the arcs of pain from the tenderness of my skin matching my pleasure jolt for jolt and my eyes cross before closing as I reach into my pants and touch myself skin to skin.

My breathing becomes shallow and quick, my mind bringing phantom images of you putting a body to the face and I smile at how hideous you are. You are here with me in my bed, lying next to me naked to my gaze as you watch me clutch at myself and stroke myself desperately. My arm feels on fire as it rubs against the edge of Dudley's hand-me-down pajamas, the skin tearing in the more delicate spots allowing blood to slowly rise to the surface of the wounds.

My eyes widen as I feel the wetness on my stomach and I look down to find the blood smeared across the white of my skin. I smile and giggle so softly to myself that I can barely hear it myself but your ghost gives a returning smile to me as you let the blood pool in your palm and you reach for my cock. My hand follows yours and I arch up, wide eyed as the hot life fluid creates a better friction for my strokes.

I moan as you duck your head and suddenly my shirt is gone as you kiss the cuts on my chest, scrape your teeth against the welts on my shoulder and lap at the blood on my arm. I sob gently as you tear the scab off a self inflicted cut and I bite into my pillow as I release my passion and you fade away from me leaving me alone.

I stare at the spot you vanished from, tears welling in my eyes at the sudden reality of how alone I am one more. I turn on my side and curl into myself, absently realizing my shirt is still on my body and my arm isn't bleeding nearly as bad as it had been in my dreams.

I stare down at my hand, covered in blood and passion and I weep. I just want you to hurt me.


	4. Author's Note IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

Hi Guys!

So I just wanted to let you know that I'm taking Angel's Hell down temporarily to repost it later because I'm rewriting it! It will be updated in its entirety in December and January as I have the ability to edit and smooth out the story line... hope you'll come see the finished product! thanks!

Makia Durron

And I'll be taking this message down in a while… I know no author notes but I had to get the word out somehow!


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